hank
now that we are all spending so much time together, we’ve had to negotiate how to share space, energy, attention and generosity of spirit. it’s become more and more clear that we all have different needs at various times throughout the day and they often don’t coincide.
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hank has had it with corona. he REFUSES to go on walks now. i can hardly get two blocks with him, let alone all the way to the lake that it took so much effort for me to learn how to find. when i put his leash on he’ll maybe get to the corner and then just lay down all spread out so he’s completely planted. even with his svelte new figure, he is far too heavy for me to carry (i am lazy too!) so i have to stand there and coax him with ice cubes (it’s already blazing here in boulder, even though we had loads of snow just weeks ago.) and this goes on… walking half a block, him laying down, me waiting and begging, walking another half block, him laying down and me waiting and begging and then finally me saying, “all right, do you want to go home?” at which point he pops up and RUNS at a clip all the way there. i know now that he speaks perfect english, as well as his native french. so i have to go on dog walks without my dog… and when i pass people they all ask after him (he is quite well known in our neighborhood) and they are clearly disappointed that it is only me.
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one of my sweetest, most poignant learnings from living in the netherlands for nearly six years is the idea of “gezellig,” the dutch word for coziness. gezellig applies to social concepts like inviting or friendly people, parties, situations and meals, but what i have been really thinking about lately as we all “shelter in place” is how the dutch instilled gezellig in their homes. in a land where it rains at least a portion of most days, our amsterdam neighbors knew how to create welcoming spaces to retreat within and enjoy their families, while the rain drummed outside. corona is pushing us all inside now and we can learn from the comforting, warm interiors of the dutch.
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there are some things i have enjoyed about the quarantine… i like not having to drag my kids out of bed by seven so we can leave for school at eight. they really prefer to sleep in until somewhere between eight thirty and nine and are generally more pleasant when they wake naturally.
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in the last few weeks the world has turned completely upside down. two weeks ago i attended what we lovingly refer to as the “no talent show” at my daughter’s elementary school. this is a day i dread each year as the show goes on for HOURS, the gym is always a bazillion degrees (this is coming from someone who is almost never too hot) and i end up feeling punch drunk and cheering too loudly out of desperation for it to end. this year my girlfriend confided that she’d had two beers before she came, which i thought was brilliant. in NINE years i have never thought to give myself an aid like that. and now i may never have to because it’s hard to imagine in our new corona reality that we will ever jam ourselves into a hot, stuffy gym with fourteen million elementary school kids, their sneezy, coughy siblings and all their parents and grandmas and grandpas to boot.
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(this photo was probably taken right before they polished off MY burrito!)
it’s a wonder that i am not perpetually passed out on the floor dehydrated and starving because my children are always eating my snacks and drinking my water. whatever i may have, they consider theirs. to be fair, when they were little i frequently poured my water into their glasses because i didn’t feel like getting up once i finally got to the table. likewise my spaghetti or chicken nuggets. but they are bigger now and both of them can reach the glasses and the sink and they are perfectly capable of serving themselves. alas, these poor habits are deeply ingrained, despite my recent campaign to change them.
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hank and i are very comfortable with routine. week days, i typically wake up pretty early (6ish) and head right downstairs for coffee. i always set the machine the night before so all i have to do is press one button. hank usually sleeps a little longer and comes trotting down by 6:30. he likes to have his breakfast straight away, while i need my one and a half cups before my scrambled eggs. after eating, hank likes to go outside for his potty. he is pretty quick about this and then goes back to sleep in his favorite sofa corner. sometimes, when he’s had a particularly arduous playdate the day before with his girlfriend dharma, (this is his second girlfriend… ellie moved away) he goes back upstairs and returns to [my] bed. it throws me when i don’t see his big bat ears poking over the arm of the sofa and i walk around the house calling for him until i remember his secondary routine. (unfortunately, hank doesn’t really understand about weekends when i would love to sleep maybe all the way to seven. he sits over me and sighs and breathes noisily until i open my eyes to find his face hovering mere inches above mine.)
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(carefree in new york when i knew everything about parenting, but didn’t yet have children)
when i was living in new york in my twenties spending sundays enjoying boozy brunches (after taking an early yoga class and wandering through the chelsea flea market - which is sadly now all condominiums - clutching a giant coffee from the bodega on my corner) i had all kinds of ideas about what my life would be like when i had children. i would, of course, still live in the city, but i would have a giant loft, rather than my run down holly hobby sized apartment and my children would just slip into my life without disrupting my routines. they would come to brunch with me wearing adorable outfits and contribute witty, charming stories to the conversation, enchanting the waiter so that we were sent a plate of free beignets each week. they would use their cutlery properly and keep their napkins in their laps and they would NOT whine or cry at the table like all the other bratty, poorly-parented children in the restaurant. they would be like this because i was going to be a GOOD mother who paid attention and set boundaries and generally just had my shit together.
halloween in boulder is outrageous. when we stepped out to go trick or treating our first year in colorado, i thought we’d wandered onto a movie set. literally EVERY house in our neighborhood was decorated, and not just with a pumpkin or two but with strings of orange lights, giant spiders and webs stretched across the houses, skeletons and zombies and werewolves emerging from the lawns and ghosts and ghoulies hanging from the trees. and when you ring the bell, the homeowners answer in full costume. sometimes they jump out at you and sometimes they just smile and offer the kids candy and the parents a glass of wine or a beer. yes - if you accept all the libations presented, you will be quite tipsy by the end of your neighborhood rounds. there are even a few famous addresses that do full spook houses… i took lucy to the one on 10th street when she was a little too young and we were both traumatized … i nearly peed my pants when a gazillion enormous spiders dropped on us and she let out a wail that lasted for at least two blocks. we had to retire for the evening after that.
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hank has lost TWO pounds. that is 5.71% of his total body weight! we are very proud of ourselves… it has not been easy. i have had to really monitor how many snacks he gets and shut him away in the playroom when i am eating lunch or scotchmallows so that he is not looking up at me with those big, desperate eyes.
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hank came home with us on december 5, 2017 and we have been beside ourselves with love for him ever since. we love the way he rotates his big, bat ears around, we love his snorty, white noise machine breathing, we love his little button that is too tiny to wag, we love when he rolls around on his back looking for a belly rub, we love when he snuggles up with us on the sofa, we love when he howls along to theo’s trumpet playing, we love when he picks up sticks four times his size and carries them around, we love when he flops down with his legs splayed out behind him like a frog and we love the way his bum wiggle waggles left to right when he is trotting about the neighborhood.
Read Morewe moved to amsterdam from san francisco when i was pregnant with my first baby. we stayed there for nearly the first five years of his life and the very beginning of my daughter’s. traveling with babies is not easy… particularly on eleven hour international flights. and then when you arrive there is the horrendous jet lag that kicks in (there’s a NINE hour time difference between california and the netherlands.) so i only brought my children home once a year, but we would stay for at least a month to stabilize and enjoy the visit before heading back. now that we live in colorado we have continued this summer tradition. the kids LOVE their camp in berkeley (kee tov) and i get to spend time with my family and all my growing up friends.
Read Morei was so delighted that the editors at houzz decided to feature my playroom project… THANK YOU bryan anthony!
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in early december i got an email from my girlfriend in la with the subject line, “have you heard about this coat?” she attached an article from the strategist that detailed the popularity of the orolay amazon coat among moms at pick up on the upper west side. it was sold out, of course, because it is the coziest, most comfortable, best priced coat in the world. i stalked amazon until it came back on offer and it was well worth the wait. i LOVE my amazon coat! it has tons of pockets that are straight up and down so that stuff doesn’t slip out of them AND they all have zippers, just in case you are carrying around something super special. the hood is lined with fuzzy, warm stuff and the inside is a bright, cheery orange. you can get it in black, navy and army green (putty too, but that colorway is not nice.) i was so delighted with my coat that i planned all my christmas travel outfits around it (no dresses, just boots and jeans because the amazon coat is too casual for a party dress.) i had to wear it on the plane because it is too bulky to put in a suitcase, but i pulled that snuggly hood up and had the best airplane nap of all time, despite the fact that i was sitting between my two children. the hood also seems to be noise cancelling. so i thoroughly enjoyed the holidays with my amazon coat and then my life became a series of shit fuck events that snowballed into my nearly falling completely apart… but praise jesus, i had my amazon coat. i just crawled into that coat and added my pizzeria pom pom hat and i have hardly taken them off (even indoors) for the last three weeks. because overlaying all of these horrendous events has been planning my son’s bar mitzvah. i am so PROUD of my son for his dedication and earnest commitment to learning, but planning a bar mitzvah (especially for a shiksa mama) is no small endeavor and despite all of my hyper-organized lists and spreadsheets, i still felt desperately behind three weeks out. following are the events that sent me diving into the safety of my amazon coat:
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every year, we send out a holiday card featuring the kids smiling and laughing together. they DO laugh and smile together pretty frequently, but hardly ever when we are shooting these photos.
“FEO, FEO” lucy (when she had no teeth) yelled downstairs in alarm a few years ago, “the christmas clothes are out… i fink we have to do the card today!” then a series of loud groans as they commiserated together.
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fifty is a BIG fucking number! i kept thinking i’d get used to it… i’ve actually been telling myself and everyone else that i’m fifty for the last four years, just to give myself some lead time (which has also led to a lot of confusion as i would forget how old i actually was.) but the truth is, i am NOT best pleased about being associated with this enormous number and i am NOT used to it. i wanted to be bouldery and think about all the things i’m grateful for - i get emails from oprah and deepak so i know grateful people are happier people … and i AM grateful for a lot (glitter nail polish, the pacific ocean, my beloved hank, my vacuum cleaner, see’s scotchmallows, boulder’s hot pink sunrises, the brique poulet at ten ten, the doctor in san francisco who got me pregnant, first with theo and then with lucy, the doctor in amsterdam who finally got lucy out of me, the surgeons in amsterdam who stopped my hemorrhage and saved my life, jane austen, fog, the whole of paris, dove soap, pom-poms, my first husband, mint chip ice cream, sheepskins, pompadour chocolate shop, the day’s first cup of coffee, audrey hepburn in “funny face,” the frick museum, my writing group, men’s white, ribbed tank tops, the lights lining the bridges of amsterdam, the bar method, good times drive through, flannel pajamas, my GG’s cursive, macklemore, peppermint tea, white walls, the lazy boy movie theater at the flatiron’s mall, my superstar colorist, rain, oatmeal chocolate chip (notice i DIDN’T say “raisin”) cookie dough, red tulips, the “little house” books, the google maps lady, mahjong, cuckoo clocks, the new bay bridge, sparkly gold hairbands, my incomparable parents, my checkered, slip-on vans, my bed, triple cream brie, my wonderful friends, the seat heats in my car, and of course, my dearest, darling children)…just NOT for fifty. i think i’d rather be fifty-two, already immersed in the decade but not anywhere near sixty… which i don’t imagine i will be grateful for either!
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many of you have been asking how hank is doing on his diet. i have to say, it has not been easy. with the big drop in temperature, we tried on his favorite sweater from last winter a few days ago. last december, it was cozy, yet roomy, but this year, it fits him like a crop top a la britney spears, early nineties. i’m wondering if he is going to be one of those dogs whose closet is filled with a range of sizes he dips into depending on how much bacon he has had. will he need enough space to house his “fat jeans” and his “strictly following the paleo” jeans?
Read Morehalloween in boulder is outrageous. when we stepped out to go trick or treating our first year in colorado, i thought we’d wandered onto a movie set. literally EVERY house in our neighborhood was decorated, and not just with a pumpkin or two but with strings of orange lights, giant spiders and webs stretched across the houses, skeletons and zombies and werewolves emerging from the lawns and ghosts and ghoulies hanging from the trees. and when you ring the bell, the homeowners answer in full costume. sometimes they jump out at you and sometimes they just smile and offer the kids candy and the parents a glass of wine or a beer. yes - if you accept all the libations presented, you will be quite tipsy by the end of your neighborhood rounds. there are even a few famous addresses that do full spook houses… i took lucy to the one on 10th street when she was a little too young and we were both traumatized … i nearly peed my pants when a gazillion enormous spiders dropped on us and she let out a wail that lasted for at least two blocks. we had to retire for the evening after that.
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now that hank is on a diet, we have been trying to step up our exercise routine and we made an amazing discovery… COOT LAKE! coot lake is the perfect kind of nature for us… there is always parking across the street, the paths are flat and well maintained and we can circle the lake in converse or even low boots. there are lots of nice dogs for hank to romp around with (he can go off leash!) and there are benches for me to sit on, as well as little poems posted on signs here and there. and of course, there is the pretty water to look at. one of the hardest things for me about living in boulder is that there is no ocean. i have never lived anywhere before that wasn’t bumped up against a big body of water and sometimes i feel a bit panicky about being landlocked. certainly, a lake isn’t the same thing as an ocean, but it is still blue and has movement and reflection and alleviates the dry, dusty feel of the relentless colorado sun.
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we just had our first blizzard in boulder… in typical colorado fashion we went straight from summer to winter, with only an afternoon of fall. i never get used to the roller coaster weather here. i am never prepared with the right size snow boots for the kids or snow pants that fit properly or matching pairs of mittens. at best, i get a whiff of the cow poo smell (which is a pretty reliable snow predictor - i don’t know why) and i have a few hours to get ready. at worst, i wake up and the yard is all white and i have to scurry around and see how i can outfit the kids in some collection of warm clothes before school starts. we are usually late on this first snow day… i just always expect there will be that third season before the snow comes and even after seven years here, i haven’t learned to check the weather.
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