(rainbow flower by sarah kinn)

my parents came to stay with us in amsterdam when my first baby was born. after a few weeks of being woken up constantly at night, regularly getting puked on, never being able to count on any kind of schedule and feeling insanely tired i said, “mom… when is my life going back to NORMAL?” “oh honey,” she said brightly, “this IS your new normal!” and she was right.

(super happy, but very TIRED mama)

(dad was pretty tired too!)

(the first time we got theo to sleep in his bed..)

(he preferred napping on grandma’s bosom…)

(or with grandpa)

sixteen years later i still rarely sleep through the night (this isn’t ALWAYS because of my children… sometimes i think it is just from getting colossally OLD), i’m still dealing with vomit (mostly from hank) and i am ALWAYS tired. but for the past several years there has been MORE… a worldwide pandemic, a toilet paper shortage, home schooling during 4th grade fractions, black lives matter, me too, a multitude of shootings both uncomfortably near and far, wildfires, URBAN fires, hurricanes, an insurrection, the losses of RBG and betty white and the horrific invasion of ukraine. every time i think we are finally turning the corner some new, unimaginable tragedy occurs. i am not sure how we (and especially our children) are supposed to process all of this and get used to this new normal… i AM trying… i still make (and usually drink) green smoothies, i got a tread to replace my closed down exercise studio that i am getting closer and closer to using, i stop and take deep breaths all the time, i am vacuuming my heart out - which is my form of meditation, i write in my “gratitude journal” every morning and i have regular appointments with my colorist, my therapist and my acupuncturist in an attempt to maintain my mental health (and my hair) …i DO know that i am extremely fortunate to have access to these incredible specialists. and yet, i still feel pretty frayed and frazzled…like i’m teetering too close to completely losing it.

(my green smoothie)

(i LOVE my vacuum!)

i don’t think i’m alone in this… WILL SMITH just lost his shit at the OSCARS! chris rock DID toss out a low joke, but i suspect if that had happened pre-pandemic, will would have handled it differently.

so what are we to do? i really don’t know… but maybe if we all try to show a little more grace when people are misbehaving and put out a little more love when people are hurting we can muddle through this new normal together…

i’m leaving you with happy things: babies, puppies, rainbows, sparklers, napping, hotdogs, flowers, sunrises, sunsets, unicorns and candy… x0x