(back in days when all of my loves would end up in the same bed by morning…)

i LOVE being a mama… especially when my kids are asleep! they look like little angels (even now that they are teenagers and hank is technically middle aged.) their rhythmic, peaceful breathing (hank’s sounds more like a train) is really soothing and makes me feel like everthing is right in the world. i do not have a consistent meditation practice, but when i do it, i always crawl back in bed with my sweeties and lay one hand on someone’s chest so i can feel it going up and down. these days that sweetie is usually hank because my other babies sometimes tell me they need “space” and sometimes they even lock their doors! luckily hank never needs space. when they wake up we never know what will happen. sometimes they are delightful and sometimes they are less so. even when they are less so, my love for them feels so BIG it’s almost painful. i am so GRATEFUL to be the mother of these lovey darlings. loads of LOVE to all of the mothers and those who mother. x0x0x0x

(half californian…)

for whatever reason it was not easy for me to get pregnant. i used thermometers and ovulation kits and “planned” and “relaxed” and went to the terrifying dr. wu for acupuncture and smelly herbs and ultimately created embryos via IVF with the incredible dr. cedars of U.C.S.F. these two were actually from the same batch but lu was frozen for four years. (only recently did she understand that she was NOT tucked up next to the mint chip ice cream at home but was in a freezer at the doctor’s office.) i think that’s why they look so much alike. lucy considers them twins. theo does not buy into that and feels 100% like an older brother. i am just so GRATEFUL that fertility science was advanced enough sixteen years ago that dr. cedars could help us bring these two into the world. i am GRATEFUL to all of the amazing people who supported us through that super intense process that entailed coordinating drugs and doctors from two countries (they were both born in the netherlands even though they began in san francisco.) and i am GRATEFUL to the legions of people: our kraamy, my dutch baby group, the godparents, the grandparents, the fairy godparents, the aunties and uncles, the babysitters, the teachers and the beloved friends who have helped us nurture and support them. i cannot imagine my life without these two half californian, half new yorker monkeys with a big splash of dutch and even some coloradan (i DID just get a tread and the accompanying attire like a real boulder mom) thrown in. they are everything. HAPPY, HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! x0x0x