whenever my dad cannot find a term or phrase that adequately expresses what he wants to say, he just makes one up. i grew up being told to, “sit up straight and stop SLUNCHING!” at the table or asked whether i was going to finish the “DRITZLE” on my plate - the last of my sauce or remains of my dinner or received announcements that someone was a “GROMP” … very unpleasant, far worse than a “grump.” (my dad is generally very communicative and if for some reason he cannot speak - like when my mother is saying something - he does not dare interrupt her - he finds another way. he frequently stands about a foot and a half behind her chair at the kitchen table and indicates how he feels with his eyes - he makes outrageous faces while my mother is speaking which sends my children into peals of laughter. about twenty five years ago he had his jaw wired shut for many weeks after a throat surgery and had to physically write down what he wanted to share on a yellow legal pad. my mom thought he would be spare and discriminating in what he wrote because it took more effort… instead he filled notepad after notepad with ALL of his thoughts and ideas both deep and trivial. and he made sure my mother read every single one in real time.)
(even with a mask on, my father’s expressions are easy to read)
we have carried on this tradition… i ask my kids if they are “SNOOKY” when they sound congested. we carefully clean hank’s “BOOG-EYES” each morning. i tell the kids (and hank) they are not allowed to “WHIMPER WHOMPER” when i am on the phone - or EVER, really. i chastise them for being “SNIT SNOTS” when they are rude and i cuddle them extra when they are being “SWEET SWATS.” (i also have a whole slew of words i created for private parts: “NICKELS” [this was actually one of lucy’s mispronunciations], “CHIMICHANGA” for a woman - i KNOW this does not make sense as the shape is much more reminiscent of what a man has… poor lu went into shock when she first learned how to read and saw it on restaurant menu, “PEEP” and “BING BONGS” for the male parts. i really try not to use these words anymore because i went to a lecture on pedophiles and learned that cutesy terms are enabling and dangerous. so now i might say, “go clean your room because it’s driving me crazy and i am your mother and i pushed you out of my VAGINA!” just for practice… i learned this phrase from my fearless sister in law!)
(hank is adorable even with his morning boog-eye)
(the original chimichanga)
my father’s latest term is “rumble tummy.” you might get this when you are nervous about the delta or all of the shootings or the wildfires or another insurrection or how you are going to get all the dog hair out of your car or eaten something questionable like seafood gazpacho when you are nowhere near an ocean (this did happen to one of my car mates who made a very poor choice while ordering dinner one night on our road trip) or if you’ve put too much hot sauce on your burrito. i don’t know how we’ve functioned for so long without this phrase because this particular affliction is so prevalent in our family. lu is worried about starting middle school in the fall and has complained of it the last few weeks, theo is sleeping so late that breakfast and lunch get merged into one massive feast of random foods that don’t really sit well together once they are inside and hank has been eating so many apples it is accelerating his digestion AND output (i just can’t keep up with the apple harvest from our tree - it seems like a bazillion of them fall every day - boulders: i will say it again… you are WELCOME to come pick apples ANY time!) hank and i like to share a morning banana (as long as it doesn’t have any brown spots or bruises and maintains a tinge of green on the peel) to help stave off rumble tummy. i find bananas really soothing and i know hank loves them because he can be dead asleep on the sofa when i snap the stem of the banana back, making just the smallest pop, and his ears perk up, rotate forward and he comes trotting into the kitchen at an impressive pace ready for his share.
(lu when she is hit with rumble tummy)
(hank wih the apples that give him rumble tummy)
(PERFECT bananas)
