i have always had a bit of a southern obsession. i loved watching gone with the wind as a child… i was mesmerized by the big hoop skirts decorated with intricate ribbons and lace and layered over all the petticoats and cinched up corsets. i spoke with a terrible southern accent for the entirety of my fourth grade year, nearly driving my father out of the house. in my twenties, whenever i suffered a break up, i would return to gone with the wind and read in the middle of the night when i woke up miserable. “fiddle dee dee… i’ll think about that another day!” i’d tell myself when i couldn’t stop ruminating over whoever had broken my heart… just like scarlet. in my early thirties, i was invited to a wedding in north carolina. there were loads of southerners there, but there was one proper belle that i became fixated on. she was newly pregnant so she had a perfect little baby bump poking out beneath all of her floral empire waist sundresses. she always had a matching cashmere cardigan draped over her shoulders that never fell off, even though the top wasn’t buttoned. her husband wore pink pants and immaculately ironed button downs and loafers all weekend. i studied her and followed her around all of the wedding parties and events like a stalker. i couldn’t wait for the bride to return from her honeymoon so i could interrogate her about my belle. i learned that all of my belle’s towels were monogramed and every christmas her entire extended family had a huge photo shoot where they wore matching clothes. apparently, holiday cards are very important in proper southern families raising belles and gentlemen.

my father grew up in minneapolis. he was a HUGE vikings fan. we literally had to clear out of the house whenever they were playing so he could focus on the game without the distraction of little children. (maybe also because my mother didn’t want us exposed to the salty stream of comments my father would yell at the tv.) i became a devoted fan as well, because what i wanted most in life was a dog. my father used to tell me that “if the vikings win the super bowl, i will get you a puppy.” each year, i followed their progress and kept track of their stats. i wore their colors and got in fights on the bus defending their honor - i was the only vikings fan in my elementary school because at this point we were living in northern california. the vikings actually made it to the super bowl FOUR times, but they never won. and i never got a puppy. i don’t know what my father would have done had they actually won, because my brother is so severely allergic to dogs that we would have had to sell him had we brought a dog into the house. i don’t think my parents would have done this, regardless of my father’s promise, because they really loved my brother. to this day, the vikings have never won the super bowl and i have never had a puppy. until now…