seder means “order.” there is an order to every aspect of the passover celebration from the way the seder plate is prepared to which course is served first and second and third to what prayer is said, what song is sung, what question is asked and when. even though i am not jewish, i have been hosting passover dinners for nearly twenty years. inevitably i mix up at least one aspect of the order. sometimes i even schedule the seder for the wrong evening - the jewish calendar is confusing and i am not always sure if “begins at sundown” means the dinner should take place that night or the next. i give myself a pass on this as a shiksa mama raising jewish children. i have enough trouble with simple time telling (my mom thinks that’s because i had the chicken pox the week i was meant to learn it in first grade) and adjusting to different time zones and daylight savings. 

(one of theo’s first seders)

for me, the first step of passover is writing out the dinner menu and making the list for the market. i have adjusted the courses a bit… i cut out the gefilte fish, which i don’t like to eat and have no interest in preparing and i make flan (or “moon cake”) for dessert, rather than trying to bake an edible cake with matzo meal… the flan doesn’t break any rules, it just isn’t traditional. 

(passover moon cake)

sometimes passover coincides with easter so i need to make a shopping list for the easter brunch as well. those years i end up needing an enormous amount of eggs and lots of contradictory items, like ham for easter, but definitely not for passover. the shopping is next. i have to really concentrate during this expedition or i will come home without a crucial ingredient. last year i brought my chatty nine year old daughter with me to the safeway… a terrible idea. i had to threaten to sell her on eBay so she would stop distracting me with her bazillion questions and let me focus on my list. finding matzo crackers and horse radish and matzo meal in boulder is always a bit of a treasure hunt… there may be a small section of passover items pulled together in a display at the end of an aisle, but there may not. when we lived in new york, entire wings of the market would be dedicated to the seder necessities, but not so here, in blonde, aryan boulder. one market is never enough and a second stop must be made at our tiny whole foods, ideal, to pick up the lamb shank and the roasting chickens, as well as anything that the safeway was out of. 

(the roasted chicken)

i am not sure how i will manage the marketing this year or what will even be available. obviously we won’t be having any guests so i will probably simplify the dinner even more… who wants to cook a thanksgiving sized meal for only four people?

some dishes can be made a day ahead: the charoset (chopped apples, walnuts and sweet wine), the roasted egg and lamb shank that decorate the seder plate, the flan which needs to chill and set overnight. the kitchen will be busy (and messy!) for two days. there will be apple bits that fly out of the cuisinart, walnut dust and drips of wine that splatter up the counters, drops of egg or condensed milk or cream that accidentally splurt out of the mixing bowl. i will have to soldier through this part until i can neatly tupper the charoset, place the flan in the fridge and start boiling the eggs. 

(the nice, CLEAN seder table before it all begins)

my favorite part is setting the table. in addition to the obvious plates and linens and cutlery, there are ceremonial candles, cloths for the matzoh, yamulkes available for the men, haggadah books for each guest, little bowls of salt water for dipping the bitter herbs, an extra glass for elijah, and most importantly, the actual seder plate with the lettuce and lamb shank and roasted egg and parsley and horse radish. 

(the seder plate)

everything is beautiful and organized and CLEAN before the guests (this year just first husband and my children) arrive, but soon there will be matzoh crumbs all over the table and the floor, wine and grease and horseradish smeared on the linen napkins, chicken broth dripped on the range from the matzoh ball soup and egg shells everywhere. each year i TRY not to get too flapped by this (it helps that you are directed to drink FOUR glasses of wine during the service) because the guests WILL eventually leave (it is a LONG evening) and then i can thankfully begin the restoration… clearing and depositing the place settings in the dishwasher and hand washing my grandmother’s glasses and wiping the counters and scrubbing the pots and vacuuming the floors (this is the second best vacuuming day of the year topped only by when i take down the christmas tree and suck up all the pine needles that have fallen off) and spritzing the napkins with spray ‘n wash. i might also drink an extra glass of wine while i do this, although i will regret it when i wake up at three in the morning, restless and dehydrated, but so content that when i go downstairs for my coffee in the morning, my kitchen will be ORDERLY once more. HAPPY, HAPPY PASSOVER! x0x0x