pre corona my day ended by 2:55 pm for school pick up (actually 2:40ish because i had to get there.) from that point on i was making snacks, helping with homework, schlepping kids (my own and other peoples’) to soccer or hip hop or tennis or trumpet, prepping dinner, and schlepping back to pick said children up from soccer or hip hop or tennis or trumpet, squeezing in trips to the safeway or the UPS or the walgreens and trying to send out work emails or texts in the odd ten minute windows that were available. by the time we got through dinner (and all the nagging and threats around eating “five more bites” or no dessert or no phone or whatever else i could think of, i was exhausted. and i would put us all to bed very early because i had no “cheese” left.
for the last three months there has been no after school activities (there has been no proper SCHOOL) and if there was a class, it was on the zoom in my living room. so i haven’t had to work as an uber driver for my kids and i have had A LOT more time. i have been using my extra hours to either lay around and read or binge watch any one of the following: mrs. america (so interesting to see how a movement was organized while we are in the midst of a movement), little fires everywhere (i’m obsessed now with this real “planned community” in ohio), the great (as in catherine - super campy with great sets and styling), insecure (issa makes the most amazing faces… her EYES!), dead to me (season two has such a twist), working moms (so warped and hilarious) or doing corona projects.
(phyllis shlafly may have worked against the ERA, but those sleeves are everything!)
(hulu’s show is a big departure from the book, which i also read obsessively - both are super compelling)
(so much FUN!)
(issa rae- so GOOD!)
(i love christina applegate in this role)
(the bear encounter in the very first episode is EPIC!)
1. i sanded down (with my bare hands) all of my patio furniture - the intense, relentless colorado sun made the wood stain start to peel and bubble. i found some sandpaper during a cupboard clean out (another corona project) and just went to town. i was COVERED in dust and my hands and back were pretty sore when it was completed (mostly because i ran out of sandpaper) but it was so satisfying scraping off the poor finish. the next day my first husband stopped by and informed me that there is actually a tool that makes this kind of sanding much quicker and easier, so i will keep that in mind for the next pandemic.
(you can see where i ran out of sand paper - i like to think i left a “patina”)
2. i polished the silverware. normally, i don’t like this chore because it is so messy, but corona has encouraged me to go outside so i spread it all out on my newly sanded picnic table and reveled in the excitement of seeing my spoons transform from muddy brown to shiny, bright silver and i didn’t have to worry about the polish crumbs getting all over the house.
(pre and post polish)
3. i cleaned the vitamix. i am ashamed to admit that six years of smoothie making has given the plastic top piece of mine a disgusting green tinge that i just ignored. i learned that mixing white vinegar and baking soda (1 cup of each) for a solid minute in the vitamix renders that plastic clean again… just thrilling. it DID erupt like peter brady’s volcano when i first poured in the vinegar (which i didn’t anticipate - chemistry was never my strong suit) so this is best done in the sink. and i DID have to scrub it with a scratchy sponge after, but the remaining tinge came off fairly easily.
(LOOK at the difference!)
(the BELT is incredible!)
4. i caught up on four years of “baby books” for my children. i had bags and bags of artwork, certificates, birthday cards, valentines, tickets and photos stuffed in a closet and i finally sorted it all out and pasted it down in their respective books. they actually each have a “series” of books that i am finally understanding is a little crazy and compulsive on my part. the benefit of a four year lapse is that i was MUCH more discriminating about what made it in. when i started theo’s books i incorporated EVERYTHING he came into contact with and all communication around him (emails, letters, cards, wrapping paper, ribbon, doctor’s reports…) he now has ELEVEN books documenting his life and he is only fourteen. lucy, at ten, only has five. i am sure that one day they will count them and draw conclusions about who i love most (they both are ALWAYS trying to figure that out. i tell them i love them equally, of course, and that HANK is by far my favorite.) i DO think lucy will appreciate that her collection is so much smaller and better edited when she grows up. i don’t know how theo will store his series in the tiny new york 5th floor walk up with only one closet that he is sure to live in in his twenties. and i’m assuming his future wife will think i’m bonkers… but maybe not because i’ve already selected her (his first love, ruby from amsterdam) and she is well documented in his books as well. so perhaps she will find it charming…
(my future daughter in law)
(look at her sweet profile)
(celebrating the dutch football team together)
5. i have become a full fledged boulder mom and have started a DIET. somehow during this corona i have gained TEN pounds. i have always had a lucky metabolism, but apparently my luck has run out (possibly aided by the doritos, cookie dough, halloween candy - that i found during my corona cupboard clean out - and donut bribes for my children that i also eat.) i didn’t want to jump to conclusions about the food choices so i DID check with my dermatologist about whether the pills i’ve been taking for a rash around my eye could have caused the weight gain, but she politely told me that is NOT a side effect of the medication. i am not ready to try the extreme juice fasts or whole 30 regimes favored by most boulder moms so i have started what i call the “water diet.” i am drinking as much water as i can stand (in addition to my regular food) and i am trying to pee out the ten pounds. i will say that the first week of this diet has not elicited any changes, but i have not yet given up hope. i will keep you posted. i just may be the next weight loss guru so look for my late night ads on QVC and my featured interview with oprah in O magazine.
(i want to be one of oprah’s favorite things!)
6. since we don’t have summer camp here in boulder, my children have some corona projects of their own. theo (a “jetter”) went through all of his clothes and made a huge donation pile. lucy (a “hoarder”) did too, decided she wanted to keep everything and then appropriated a large percentage of theo’s pile as well. if you see her around, she will most likely be wearing a vans or spitfire hoodie that goes to her knees and covers the totally inappropriate, way too small “hotpants” (shorts) that she will not relinquish… so there is a silver lining to her accumulating tendency.
7. lucy and her girlfriend made a fairy village under the slide in the backyard. they painted little wooden houses for the fairies and will gladly take you on a detailed tour of the town if you come for a socially distanced visit.
8. lucy has also become an expert with the fly swatter. we have had the back door open a lot and sometimes even the sliders in the living room - which DOES make me anxious because so much nature gets in the house - leaves, sticks and BUGS. she stalks them with the stealth of a mountain lion and frequently takes them out mid air. (i can only get them if they are paused on the window.) unfortunately, she approaches it like she is lord grantham of downton abbey on a grouse hunt. she swats down the fly but expects the butler (ME) to retrieve the body.
(lucy and me on a fly hunt… i am the handsome one patiently waiting in the background to collect the corpse)
9. but the BEST corona project has been getting to know our new neighbor, louie. he arrived a couple of weeks ago from oklahoma and we are all completely smitten, except perhaps hank. hank’s face can be hard to read, but some of his expressions appear more exasperated than paternal (although deep down i think he must love louie too.) regardless, louie (i DO feel guilty writing this) is quite possibly as cute as hank. he hops in the grass like a little bunny and tips over onto his back with his oversized feet kicking in the air like an upended roly-poly. he is RIDICULOUS adorable… you’re welcome! x0x
(hank and louie’s first meeting over the fence)
(hank graciously shares his lounge chair with louie)
(hank MIGHT be pretending to be alone)
(hank “enjoying” louie’s company)
(i have no idea why hank is sticking out his tongue…)
