recently, hank had to get his THIRD collar. his neck just keeps getting bigger and bigger. i certainly didn’t expect him to have a swan neck like audrey hepburn… he IS a bulldog after all, but i have been surprised by his rapid growth. he also now weighs in at TWENTY-SEVEN pounds… more than half the weight of my daughter. i think his bones must be made of steel. while i am grateful for his sturdiness and good health (except when he eats chapsticks) his many milestones in such a short period have left me reeling. only two months ago, i was working at the kitchen counter with hank at my feet and all of a sudden he was just GONE. i looked all around the room and was wondering if he’d somehow left when i heard pattering overhead. somehow he’d managed to go up the stairs all by himself. until that point, we’d been carrying him up and down. it reminded me of when my son was about four months old and i left him in the middle of the room on a blanket and went to the bathroom. he was also gone when i came back. i finally found him in a corner and realized that he had learned to roll over… and over and over. unfortunately, he could only go in one direction so he was a bit stuck.

i can get pretty sentimental. i cried at the preschool tour for my son (sobbed actually) even though he wouldn’t be going for a year and a half. i cry every year on the first day of school. i cried when i left my daughter at ski school for the day (you should have seen how tall the mountain was.) and of course, i cried both times i left hank at boarding school. i try to manage my emotions by acknowledging and documenting all the milestones. to date, my son has FOURTEEN scrapbooks (i probably should have gone back to work sooner) and he is only twelve years old. i slowed it down for my daughter… she has six and she is eight. in addition to pasting every photo, card, ticket and memento into those books, i frame their artwork, i make regular prints of their hands and feet and i silvered their first pairs of shoes. somehow, i think if i repackage and preserve their growth and accomplishments, i will be able to accept that they are growing up. 

i’m not sure it’s working. the other morning i wanted to walk my son to school and he was so mortified that i yelled at him in a way i am not proud of… i just don’t think he is allowed to be embarrassed of me yet. thankfully, hank is always delighted to be with me and i have been thinking about silvering his first tiny, little collar.

he also has another milestone coming up… he is going to be neutered in two weeks. my son and my first husband, and frankly, every male who sees hank lately, has been impressed with the size of his stuff. apparently, they have officially dropped and all the men wince when i explain that they will soon be removed. the vet said they take them completely away, they don’t just snip the tube like on a human. the removal is so they can’t get testicular cancer later. he said that humans should really do that too, but no man will agree to that kind of preventative measure. my first husband actually found a company called “nueticals” that makes prothetic ones and has been lobbying for hank to get some installed. but my dolly partons are real and since i like consistency, i don’t want my dog to have implants when i don’t. i have been wondering what the vet does with them after they are taken out… perhaps i can have them back and get them silvered too? they would probably make great paper weights.

• hank had his procedure a few days ago… as if the surgery weren’t emasculating enough, he’s had to wear this protective bonnet to prevent him from licking or biting the sensitive area. but other than humbling him a bit, i think the operation was successful and he is recovering nicely.