i spent a significant portion of my childhood trying to convince my parents to get a dog. i didn’t understand until years later that this was always going to be a fruitless endeavor as my brother has severe allergies to anything furry. probably to deflect my desperate campaign, my father, who grew up in minneapolis and was a HUGE vikings fan, told me that if the vikings won the super bowl we could get a puppy. each fall my heart was full of hope and i cheered and supported and rallied behind those guys in purple and gold and each year i was terribly disappointed. they actually went to the super bowl FOUR times (’70, ’74, ’75 and ’77) and LOST each time. those years were definitely the hardest and i am just realizing might be why i really don’t care for purple or yellow. i don’t know what my father would have done if they had actually pulled it off because there was always the issue of my brother. maybe he understood, after rooting for them for decades that it was never going to happen. to date, it STILL hasn’t!
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my working man
for the last ten years my kids have been attending a jewish summer camp in berkeley called kee tov. it is a day camp but it seems to have the feeling of a sleep away camp in that the same kids return each year and they get SUPER bonded. the result has been that both of my children have a whole gang of friends they look forward to seeing in california every summer. kee tov is pretty amazing… all of the counselors are really energetic and enthusiastic and creative. they do all kinds of crazy things that i would NEVER do with my kids like taking them out into the woods to sleep on the GROUND and get really dirty or “messy day” when they squirt them up with paint and whip cream and chocolate syrup and who knows what else and they get so dirty they come home in GARBAGE BAGS or swimming in lakes (that are inherently dirty!) i am realizing that there is a dirty theme here. they also have all kinds of adventures in the bay area: rafting down the american river, ice skating in oakland, riding roller coasters at six flags, treasure hunting in san francisco’s china town and tromping through all the parks and outdoor spaces within a fifty mile radius (where they also get really dirty.)
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the girl i love most...
in family
this is the girl i love most. she is funny and kind and smart and determined and stubborn and SUPER spicy and exhausting and creative and empathetic and really the most WONDERFUL one. i look so forward to witnessing all of the adventures she’s going to have and hearing about the thoughts she’s going to think and celebrating the milestones she’s going to leap over (although i DO wish she would stop growing up and just stay my little girl forever.) but now, as of friday, june 24, 2022, in many parts of the united states, she’s going to have less rights than half the population. and so will all of the girls you love most too.
thelma and lucy!
(the OG girls road tripping team)
the last couple of summers we have driven to california for our annual visit… first because of the corona and then because hank is no longer allowed to fly as an “emotional support” dog, which is BANANAS because if i hadn’t had him around during this pandemic and all the crazy things that have happened in the world the last few years i don’t know that i would have held onto my sanity at all. we have journeyed in different configurations… sometimes my first husband has accompanied us, sometimes it’s been me and the kids (and hank, of course!) but this is the first time it’s just been us girls, me and lu (AND hank, of course.)
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the first day of summer
in family
(cherry blossoms from a tree in north boulder park)
today is the first day of summer here in boulder. yesterday was the final day of school for the boulder valley school district so last evening when we walked hank through the park across the street - the park that is the center of our neighborhood - where kids first learn to swing and do monkey bars, where there are lots of trees to climb, but one famous one called “the climbing tree” because the branches are spaced so perfectly that children can get to heights that take their mothers’ breath away, where kids and adults alike play basketball or kickball on the baseball field or baseball on the baseball field, where there are outdoor dance classes and concerts and races and picnics and, of course, celebrations, which is what was happening last night. there were families celebrating eighth grade graduation, fifth grade graduation, kindergarten completion… there were taco trucks and ice cream trucks and music and it was pretty wonderful. but there was an underlying wariness because we had a DOOZY of a week.
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the first few poppies
(vintage postcard from california)
the end of the school year is always just BANANAS… there are so many band concerts and dance performances and award nights and TESTS and teacher appreciation weeks and concluding events from activities both in and outside of school that it is REALLY hard to keep track of it all. some days we’ve had more than one thing… racing from lucy’s hip hop performance to theo’s band banquet (i’d messed up the time for that one and thought we had an hour in between… we DIDN’T. the band thing was so interesting though because the first part was a dinner in the cafeteria and i felt like an anthropologist observing all the different groups of kids - what they were wearing, how they interacted, the ease of the seniors versus the restraint of the underclassmen… generally, they looked a lot like we did in the late 80’s - high waisted jeans with big hightop sneakers and thick socks, giant sweatshirts… we had bigger bangs and more colorful make up while they were sporting MUCH smaller tank tops and faces twinkling with “highlighter” but it was the same general vibe and i loved seeing them.)
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the center of our universe
when theo was about three, an old friend of my first husband came to visit us in amsterdam. he was and is quite a character - a serious new yorker who looks like a rockstar but with a sweetie heart. he was hilarious with theo because he talked to him like an adult and by the end of his visit theo was tweaking his outfits and looked like he could be a drummer for guns n’ roses. on the last morning, after watching us dance around theo while serving him breakfast, first’s friend said, “WOW! that kid is front and center…FRONT AND CENTER!” and he was right.
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the most WONDERFUL ones! x00xx
(half californian…)
for whatever reason it was not easy for me to get pregnant. i used thermometers and ovulation kits and “planned” and “relaxed” and went to the terrifying dr. wu for acupuncture and smelly herbs and ultimately created embryos via IVF with the incredible dr. cedars of U.C.S.F. these two were actually from the same batch but lu was frozen for four years. (only recently did she understand that she was NOT tucked up next to the mint chip ice cream at home but was in a freezer at the doctor’s office.) i think that’s why they look so much alike. lucy considers them twins. theo does not buy into that and feels 100% like an older brother. i am just so GRATEFUL that fertility science was advanced enough sixteen years ago that dr. cedars could help us bring these two into the world. i am GRATEFUL to all of the amazing people who supported us through that super intense process that entailed coordinating drugs and doctors from two countries (they were both born in the netherlands even though they began in san francisco.) and i am GRATEFUL to the legions of people: our kraamy, my dutch baby group, the godparents, the grandparents, the fairy godparents, the aunties and uncles, the babysitters, the teachers and the beloved friends who have helped us nurture and support them. i cannot imagine my life without these two half californian, half new yorker monkeys with a big splash of dutch and even some coloradan (i DID just get a tread and the accompanying attire like a real boulder mom) thrown in. they are everything. HAPPY, HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! x0x0x
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my tread
(my first teacher… he is german!)
so… i FINALLY got on my tread! it had been so long since the guys came to set it up that i couldn’t remember how to turn it on. turns out the BIG red button that says, “STOP” is also the start button, which is totally non sensical. i wanted to ease into my tread so i chose a ten minute “walk” that was really meant as a cool down. for some reason my teacher was speaking in german. he was actually yelling in german (i accidentally had the volume turned up super high and it also took a long while to find the control buttons for that) in a very happy, encouraging way. i don’t know what he was saying but i just tried to do what he was doing, except when he stretched his arms up - i was too afraid to let go of the sides… i’ve watched many episodes of the jetsons and i know that walking on a tread can get out of control.
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easter comfort food (REPOST)
this is one of those crazy years where passover and easter fall on the same weekend, which means A LOT of cooking for me! i am reposting my mother’s easter recipes for mushroom crust quiche and easter buns because they are super comforting and yummy and delicious. HAPPY, HAPPY EASTER chckies!*! x0x
my whole life there have been two essential easter recipes served at our brunch: my mother’s mushroom crust quiche and her easter buns. they are both a little trashy… the quiche has smashed up saltines in the crust and the buns are made with the dough that comes in a can you bang on the counter to pop open. but they are both delicious. the quiche (or KWEE-CHEE as theo used to call it) LOOKS a little more elegant, but the buns are never pretty. the filling always squirts out and the jam slides around so they are just a mess. i have tried and tried to clean them up to no avail. when new people come for easter, they usually bypass them on the buffet and i have to force them to try one… no one has ever been disappointed. AND they are both still yummy, cold, the next morning as leftovers. happy, happy easter all! x0xx
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passover moon cake (REPOST)
we were still in amsterdam over passover this year, so we had a belated seder dinner this weekend. seders are a big deal to prepare… there’s all of the components of the seder plate, which depending on where you live, can be difficult to come by. in new york, all of the markets suddenly dedicate at least two aisles to passover related groceries in the week leading up to the holiday. in amsterdam, you would never know passover is happening. i had to roast a drumstick our first year living there because i couldn’t make the butcher understand the lamb shank. also, there is no matzo meal, only matzo crackers. in order to make matzo ball soup, i had to first grind up the crackers myself with a rolling pin. it was like little house on the jewish prairie in my amsterdam apartment. horseradish, also, is not easy to find. for that i would have to go to what we referred to as the "expat black market.” it’s a tiny shop on leidesgracht that caters to homesick american and british expats. the prices are outrageous, but it’s often the only place to get a crucial ingredient… a can of libby’s, libby’s, libby’s pumpkin, for example, is typically about ten euros around thanksgiving! so for a shiksa raising my children jewish (the faith of their father), seders can be a challenge, especially when we were living in the netherlands.
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HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY my sweetie baby lu! x0x
one morning when lucy was about three we had a disagreement as she was leaving for school with her dad. i can’t remember what it was about… possibly me suggesting that she not wear seventeen pairs of underwear all at once because it was hard to get them up and down when going to the bathroom (she started stacking her undies shortly after she stopped wearing diapers… i think she missed the extra booty pop) or maybe i gave her the wrong colored spoon for her yoghurt or maybe i wouldn’t let her have gummy bears for breakfast. i’m not sure, but she was in a SPICY mood. as they finally shuffled out i stood on the porch and called to her, “have a good day lucy!” then i stepped inside and quickly turned the lock (i ALWAYS lock my doors because i’ve seen every episode of law & order SVU so i know what horrible things can happen if a cuckoo gets in your house.) before i could even exhale i hear “BAM, BAM, BAM” on the glass door. there is lucy impatiently pounding with a fierce scowl on her face. i cautiously cracked opened the door and she hollered, “NO mama… YOU have a good day!” she likes to have the last word.
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the new normal
my parents came to stay with us in amsterdam when my first baby was born. after a few weeks of being woken up constantly at night, regularly getting puked on, never being able to count on any kind of schedule and feeling insanely tired i said, “mom… when is my life going back to NORMAL?” “oh honey,” she said brightly, “this IS your new normal!” and she was right.
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my new (as of yet, UNUSED) tread
the pandemic has wreaked havoc and heartbreak all over the world the last couple of years… one small but personally impactful effect was the closing of my bar (exercise) studio. i am NOT a natural exerciser and somehow i managed to attend this class with regularity for nearly TEN years. they DO offer online classes but i always answer the phone or get distracted or manage not to complete them. i tried to replace my bar classes with extra vigorous walks but hank is not the best partner for that. he only wants to visit his friends or sniff around under the picnic tables in the park in the hopes of finding a snack. he does not keep a good pace and frequently just lays down and refuses to move at all. i tried going on “dog walks” without my dog, but that feels silly and no fun. also, we have so many blizzards here (and i am NOT one to march around in the snow like a straggling member of the donner party) so they put a big dent in my walking routine. the result is that i may have a new career opportunity… posing on the biscuit cans that you bang on the counter!
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daylight savings
this sunday hank and i slept in until 7:30 am, which is practically mid day for us… typically we are roosters. (i think best early morning and hank is eager to have his breakfast and first potty of the day… he usually goes straight back to bed after - literally, he heads directly upstairs and curls up in my bed for a few more hours…he’s not very industrious with his mornings.) i was so excited about the extra sleep until i got into the kitchen and saw that the clock on my range didn’t match my phone. for some reason i never know when daylight savings is coming. this was the “bad” kind of daylight savings where you lose an hour, but it was also good because now the clock in my car is correct (i’ve been waiting SIX MONTHS for this) so i won’t have to adjust when i look at the time… i just have to remember NOT to adjust.
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valentine's day 2022 x00xx
we LOVE valentine’s day around here… we love MAKING valentines…
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HAPPY, HAPPY 16th BIRTHDAY theo! x0x0x
(LOOK at the cheeks on that guy - i cropped his cute bum out because he gets embarrassed now…)
when you have a new baby, especially a cute one, the grandmas come up to you EVERYWHERE - in the market, at the park, in restaurants and coffee shops and the line for the loo and warn you, “ENJOY that boy… it goes so fast!” you nod at them sweetly, inwardly annoyed and think about the fact that you can’t remember the last time you slept through the night or slept in or felt even remotely well rested and it just seems impossible because time actually feels like it’s on pause. and then POOF that little cherub of a baby is SIXTEEN YEARS OLD and you just want to bubble wrap him and keep him in the closet so he can’t grow up anymore. so don’t look for theo around town because that’s exactly where he is… i am keeping him safe and sound and frozen in time because i finally understand what those grandmas meant. i will be happy to pass on your birthday wishes to my sweet boy who will not be getting any older… i love him too much for that! HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY my dearest, darling theo! x0x0x
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HAPPY, HAPPY 80th BIRTHDAY (in two days) to my WONDERFUL mother! x0x0x
(my mother’s high school senior portrait)
my mother is a study of contradictions. she grew up on a farm in the very small town of atlantic, iowa. she embraced the no-nonsense, stiff upper lip, super kind, mid-western values (AND the comfort food, which i grew up with) but always felt misplaced on a farm. she did not enjoy collecting eggs at the crack of dawn - she says the hens were ruthless and would pinch the backs of her hands and twist her skin… i have to ask her why she didn’t wear gloves - or get particularly attached to her 4H cow (who she showed in penny loafers, not work boots) or adopt a runty pig like fern that she bottle fed and doted on. no - she moved to the “big city” of minneapolis straight away after college and started working in fashion. she preferred urban sidewalks (where she could wear pretty shoes) and buses to fields and tractors. she was thrilled that her job as a junior buyer for dayton’s department store took her on regular trips to new york where she could soak in the energy and art and architecture and bagels (which she’d never had before) of the biggest, most exciting city in the country.
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happy new year 2022
i am writing this on the afternoon of new year’s eve 2021. i am relieved for the start of 2022 because generally, i like even numbers much better than odd ones (which is why i skip the odd birthdays and just stay an even age for two years which CAN lead to some confusion and me not always knowing exactly how old i am, but then i just check my bumble account because that thing updates automatically) and because 2021 was mostly a shit fuck of a year…not so unlike 2020.
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the monkey
(even at 15 my grandmother seemed to know exactly what she wanted)
my paternal grandmother was fierce. she lived the way she wanted and you pretty much just went along. she liked things a certain way and if something wasn’t to her choosing she would wave her hand, say, “oh FISH!” and carry on as she deemed appropriate. you didn’t really want to get in her way.
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