i have always had a bit of trouble telling time - my mother thinks it’s because i was out with chicken pox when mrs. stemley taught it in first grade and i was never able to catch up. it’s unfortunate because i HATE to be late and ironic because i LOVE a cuckoo clock but i cannot risk living only with my cuckoo because i don’t always read it correctly so i have to have back up digital ones too. until recently, my challenge was mostly with hours and minutes but the pandemic has exacerbated this problem to include days, months and even whole YEARS! HOW old was lucy when she got her ears pierced? WHEN did we go to NY for thanksgiving? HOW many years have i had my car? i just don’t know.

(i LOVE my cuckoo clock)

with all of this confusion i cling to reliable structures… SNL airs on saturday night but we watch it on sundays during dinner. school is monday to friday (except when there’s a holiday that totally throws me off.) the sachi sushi guy at niwot market only makes ramen on sundays. award shows are ALWAYS on sunday nights. sundays are important i’m realizing.

(this ramen is OUTRAGEOUS… especially the zha jiang)

so when we sat down to dinner last monday and i tried to find SNL (i KNOW… we’re supposed to watch it on sunday evenings but i had VERY uncharacteristically gone out the night before) and i came across the LIVE broadcast of the 2022 emmys i was stunned. i had to check my phone to confirm what day it was. the show was well underway and i was devastated about missing the red carpet, which is, of course, the best part. traditionally, the kids and i would snuggle in and analyze each outfit, giving a thumb’s up or down and articulating why. recently, i can only do this with hank as theo is always busy “studying” while facetiming girlfriends and wardrobe conversations with lucy are super loaded because we are trying to find her dresses for her upcoming bat mitzvah and we have VERY different ideas about what is appropriate. the websites she is directing me to look like porn sites. there IS a generational gap… at her age i was still into gunne sax. i just don’t want her up on the bima looking like she is being trafficked.

(lu at theo’s bar mitzvah … we had so much fun dress shopping back then)

there were some great moments of what remained of the emmys… olivia and elliot ALMOST kissed. their tension has been simmering for TWENTY THREE seasons… i know because i’ve seen every episode… which is why i always lock my front door AND my car even though everyone says boulder is so “safe.” (remember - this is where jon benet is from.) i loved seeing lip from shameless presenting with sydney (ayo edebiri) - they are now both on “the bear” which makes me want to zip out to chicago and try their steak sandwiches. she looked just dreamy in her pale pink dress… i would be beside myself if i could get lu to wear that for her party - we would just have to lose the cape because i think it would get all tangled up in the hora. but i am so bummed that i missed both oprah’s opening and lizzo’s acceptance speech. (lizzo had the BEST dress of the night… hand’s down, which i know because i googled all of the red carpet looks i missed.)

(the steamy moment between benson and stabler)

(look how adorable sidney is)

(opraph looks so CHIC!)

(here is a full body view of lizzo - i LOVE this!)

(tracee ellis ross in hot pink… AMAZING)

(this is mj delaney - she won for directiong an episode of “ted lasso” … so GOOD… clearly i am partial to volume and color!)

(bay area girl - ZENDAYA! she looks magical!)

i may not be tracking time or dates very well but i did realize that i am VERY good at tv watching. unlike when i sit through the oscars and have only been to about a quarter of the films, i have seen almost all of the shows that were nominated last night … which is pretty impressive. it takes a lot of dedication and laziness for this kind of achievement. i am trying to figure out if this talent can somehow be turned into a paying gig… perhaps my next career. and if i start working in television watching, the first thing i will do is make sure the emmys never air on a monday again… it’s just too discombobulating.