hank and i are very comfortable with routine. week days, i typically wake up pretty early (6ish) and head directly downstairs for coffee. i always set the machine the night before so all i have to do is press one button. hank usually sleeps a little longer and comes trotting down by 6:30. he likes to have his breakfast straight away, while i need my one and a half cups before my scrambled eggs. after eating, hank likes to go outside for his potty. he is pretty quick about this and then goes right back to sleep in his favorite sofa corner. sometimes, when he’s had a particularly arduous playdate the day before with his girlfriend dharma, (this is his second girlfriend… ellie moved away) he goes back upstairs and returns to [my] bed. it throws me when i don’t see his big bat ears poking over the arm of the sofa and i walk around the house calling for him until i remember his secondary routine. (unfortunately, hank doesn’t really understand about weekends when i would love to sleep maybe all the way to seven. he sits over me and sighs and breathes noisily until i open my eyes to find his face hovering mere inches above mine.) 

(hank sleeping on my bed.)

i am also very routinized in my commuting routes. coming home we turn up the “b” street so we pass by the fishbowls’ house on the corner. we don’t really know them, but they have two giant windows and we like to peek in and see what they are up to. since i am a responsible driver and have to be on the look out for all the exercising boulders recklessly running and biking near my car, i have to get a report from my children - “they are watching football tonight” or “they hung christmas lights all around their TV.” we don’t really want to meet the fishbowls, especially since the fishbowl dad honked at me when i was pulled over one morning letting theo out of the car. i don’t mind being honked at if i space out and forget to go when the light turns green, but when i am doing something perfectly legal and my child is involved, it fills me with fury. of course, a few months after this incident one of the fishbowl girls ended up on lucy’s soccer team - small town boulder - and i did NOT chat with the fishbowl dad on the sidelines. 

(the fishbowls at home.)

we also have a grandma we look out for on the way to school. she is a few houses down on the “i” street and she sits in the front window. lucy always waves at her (i keep my hands safely on the wheel.) we just like to know that she’s there and well… there were a few weeks when she was absent from the window and we grew so distressed that we nearly stopped and knocked on the door. thankfully she reappeared and saved us from having to explain why we needed to know she was okay.

of course, the holidays and travel throw everything off. over winter break hank went to boarding school for nearly two weeks (i DID try and break him out for a night when i was briefly back in town but they would only let me visit him on site. they said a sleepover would be too disruptive so we just had a play at the camp. they may have been right - when i did get him home, he made sure to sleep smack in the middle of the bed like a bull’s eye for several days so i had to contort myself around him… i think he wanted to make sure i couldn’t move without him knowing.) i am pretty sure they don’t give him as many treats as i do because now he is super lean. so i am trying to establish some new routines with hank (like NOT sharing my lunch with him or giving him a snack just because i am having one.) this is VERY hard to do because he has such BIG, woebegone eyes and he whimper whompers in a way that guts me. i am also trying to alter some of my routines - like having cashews instead lindor chocolate balls for a snack. and drinking more water (which frequently results in water spills in my handbag that soak my agenda, dilute my writing and make it very difficult to see what i have scheduled), meditating consistently (which really means i have quiet time to think about what i am going to make for dinner) and going to bar (my exercise class) often enough that i am not limping around and throwing back fistfuls of advil to ease my muscle pain.

(hank sleeping on my bed after boarding school.)

i have also been trying to upgrade the kids’ routines… more reading, less tik tok, more “pleases” and “thank yous,” less snarls and the big one - leaving for school ON TIME. i really hate to be late. maybe this stems from my long history of getting lost so often (before the google maps lady was invented) and being REALLY late (without even a mobile to inform people.) my daughter is the prime perpetrator of this crime and it is not a tip top way for us to start the day. she is working on staying focused and not dancing in front of the TV reflection or brushing her hair ad nauseam in front of the range reflection and i am working on not completely losing my shit when she does. i try to remove myself from the situation and get in the car, but then i start honking in frustration (SORRY neighbors!) she’s asked that i limit my honks to one every thirty seconds, rather than fifty in rapid succession… we are still working on this. (we actually took a “girls leadership” class together that was supposed to help her navigate difficult conversations and situations. i think it was intended for peer friendships that were exhibiting “relational aggression,” but i actually learned some tactics to deal with the relational aggression she wages against ME. there was a lot of role playing and group discussion. the teacher said that both parties play a part and share responsibility for the deterioration of the interaction. i was on board until the last class when the example was a girl who took so long to get ready in the morning that she made her mother late for work every day for TWO WEEKS in a row. finally, the mother got so pissed she yelled and slammed the cupboard door. generally, i don’t like to chime in on group discussions - i’m more of a listener - but i was so flabbergasted i HAD to raise my hand. “i really don’t understand how the mother is in any way at fault here… this girl is making her late EVERY DAY!” i would be tempted to sell lucy on ebay if she did that… the unsuspecting buyer wouldn’t be able to tell from a cute photo that she was going to be late to everything for the rest of her life. anyway, i don’t think we will be going back to girl’s leadership next semester.)

today was the first day back at school. we DID get there on time (PRAISE JESUS) but we forgot to look for the grandma because we were off our routine.