(hank likes to nap in the front seat on road trips)

because the scenery on our road trip from colorado to california was so uninspiring, we decided to take a different route back in hopes of seeing lots of ocean and even those elusive, giant red rocks. we left our darling cottage at the crack of dawn and hopped on highway 1, the road that follows the coastline, to take us to los angeles. my kids had been questioning why we were traveling a way that would add hours to our journey, but as soon as we hit half moon bay, they understood. it was a LONG day (we were in the car for ELEVEN hours) but my heart was swelling as we traced the coast and viewed the pacific in all of its iterations: rocky cliffs, pebbled beaches, sandy dunes… we detoured in pebble beach and took the 17 mile drive - breathtaking! my girlfriend grew up there so we had her on the phone narrating our journey as we drove through pebble and carmel. she directed us to the most adorable sweet shop on ocean avenue (it was still too early to go in, but we are determined to return!) 

(pebble beach is beautiful even in the early morning fog)

(cottage of sweets in carmel by the sea… we might just move in there and wait out the pandemic)

the stint from big sur to san luis obispo was also exquisite, if a little windy… i am not sure that hank appreciated all of the curves because he threw up when we were back on straight highway. this, of course, triggered a fight about who should clean it up… obviously NOT me as i was driving and i use both hands. this “debate” went on so long that the vomit completely sunk into the seat cover… thankfully it is both removable and washable. FINALLY one of them took action… i will not give that child credit as it was NOT done graciously and was followed by a super snarky and LENGTHY dissection of the original argument. eventually i was so fed up that i screamed at full throttle (giving myself a bit of a sore throat), “stop fighting and look at the F*CKING OCEAN!” we were approaching santa barbara and the golden beach with the bright blue waves looked like a travel brochure.

(goleta beach; photo: karen hastings)

i went to U.C.S.B. for two and a half years, so i’ve made this approach a bazillion times, but i don’t think i ever appreciated it the way i did that day. my plan was to take the kids on a little tour of my school but when we got there absolutely NOTHING looked familiar to me… AT ALL! this was pretty disconcerting. i couldn’t find my freshman dorm (and it was HUGE), i had no idea where my sorority was - i had to google it! and i couldn’t even find the street i lived on sophomore year - sabado tarde (i didn’t even attempt to pinpoint the apartment) which is one block away from the beach so should have been pretty easy. to be fair, i haven’t been back in thirty years, but i thought i would recognize some lawns or buildings or at least be able to show them “sam’s” where we used to get big baskets of fries that we dipped in ranch dressing. i DID start getting mail from AARP a year ago and now i am wondering if i should be taking those prevagen pills i see on TV for elderly people who want to hang onto their memories…

i was so upset about my inability to remember anything on or near campus that i called my girlfriend who also went there to ask if they’d moved our dorm. when she called back i was in the thick of a (LOUD) lecture on how disappointed i was that those kids had not volunteered immediately to clean the vomit - YES, we had returned to this argument AGAIN - because i was such an awesome mom for taking them to see so many pretty sights. when my girlfriend called back and her name popped up on the dashboard screen i made an immediate, oscar worthy pivot in tone from furious to delighted… this ability of mine always stuns my kids! unfortunately, she couldn’t answer my question as she hasn’t been back in a couple of decades either… GAUCHOS out there - is U.C.S.B. all different or should i be taking those pills?

(here i am with my brain all restored, but i DID accidentally grow a beard)

we arrived in west hollywood with just enough time to check into our hotel and shower before meeting our dear friend for a patio dinner at the ivy, where i TRY to order something new but always get the fried chicken (the water diet has been tabled!) afterward we took a full tour of LA - theo wanted to see EVERY neighborhood. the city definitely felt subdued because of the corona (BONUS - there was hardly any traffic!) but it is always beautiful.

(the ivy… except i was not eating fruit)

(LA by night)

(early morning LA)

we spent the next day relaxing at the pool, visiting U.C.L.A. and doing more neighborhood tours with mark, who was a terrific guide. we had one “spotting”… angelyne the woman who has spent decades getting plastic surgery to look like barbie and drives a pink corvette. she was getting a late afternoon coffee… we saw her carefully climb out of her car and totter into the starbucks sporting leopard heels and a sequined mini skirt, clutching the arm of her much younger aid. oh the glamour! 

(our “celebrity” spotting, angelyne)

our final morning we breakfasted at the iconic mel’s and then drove into the hollywood hills to find the “hype house” - a compound where a bunch of famous tik tokkers live and make videos. we did not see any of the tokkers, but lucy spotted a cat in the window that she swears she has seen featured in their posts, so that was pretty exciting. while we were trying to get out of the hills we accidentally turned down a dead end (i had no reception for the google maps lady) and my big car literally got stuck when i tried to turn around. it took me TWENTY minutes to rotate it so that we were facing the correct direction on that tiny, curvy street. i told the kids that when they move to LA (as they both plan to do) they CANNOT live on such a dollhouse sized road or i won’t be able to visit… maybe that is part of their big plan?

(breakfast at mel’s )

our next leg took us east through las vegas and ultimately to st. george, utah. i have never before been to vegas but the highway runs right through the middle of the city and we could see the eiffel tower, the space needle and the pyramid from the car. there was no way we could stop as it was 113 degrees! i really don’t think human beings are meant to live in that kind of heat.

(this is what it looked like driving through vegas)

we had a big decision to make in st. george… what to get for dinner. i was pretty excited because they have a cracker barrel and i was trying to explain to the kids how good chicken n’ dumplins are. unfortunately, i was outvoted and we had HAWAIIAN food… in UTAH! i should have used my executive power (i AM the only one who can drive.) predictably hawaiian food in the desert was disgusting. i am still lamenting the opportunity for the cracker barrel… who knows when i will be near one again with this damn corona!

(i really could have used some comfort food)

we spent the next day driving through utah to moab. FINALLY we saw the famous red rocks and they WERE impressive. we went into arches national park and did a big tour of the formations. we had a lot of fun deciding what they looked like… one was a prairie dog, there was a big, sleeping hippo and a group of people marching. there were A LOT of phallic ones as well (i had to explain that term to lucy), but we didn’t take photos of those as this is family friendly blog.

(do you see the parade of people?)

(this red rock with the hole in it is VERY famous)

we also saw quite a few people camping in the park. this was bananas as it was 110 degrees in the late afternoon AND their tents were set up mere inches off the road, like they were exhibitions in the natural history museum. if i were a camping type, i think i would go further into the nature so i wouldn’t be on display for all of the people driving through… they were so close that if i had rolled down the window (which i absolutely couldn’t because we NEEDED the AC to survive in that climate) i could have patted them on the head as they sat in their little foldy chairs. many of them also had these curious tents that were two stories and rested on top of their cars. i couldn’t figure out how they wouldn’t dent the roofs of their cars if they were sleeping in the upstairs part. 

(here we are looking at the campers, who somehow grew horns; photo: natural history museum of los angeles)

our final leg took us through the mountains of colorado and back to boulder. we had a really lovely stretch where we were next to a river with the rockies(?) flanking us on both sides. mid morning on that last day, lucy ironically figured out how to connect the spotify, which i did not know how to do. further, i only had one cd on hand: 10,000 maniacs from my 20’s. i don’t know how that particular disc survived all of our moves and purges over the years, but there were MANY stints of the drive where no radio stations were coming in and it was my only option… i may never be able to listen to it again. the kids were not subjected to it because they had their electronics and wisely used their time bingeing on educational barbie videos (lucy - i think she was inspired by angelynne) and cheech and chong (theo.) 

(my 10,000 maniacs cd)

(lucy watched an ungodly amount of barbie shows)

(theo learned a lot from cheech and chong)

one (social distanced) evening in berkeley, a girlfriend and i were reminiscing about famolare sandals and discovered that they have been reissued. i ordered a pair straight away and they were waiting for me when we arrived in boulder… a SUPER exciting welcome back present. i am always so discombobulated when we return from california that i need to restore my life as quickly as possible. by dinner i had made appointments for hank, my car and my rugs to be cleaned, unpacked and done about seventeen loads of laundry… all while wearing my famolares… they are VERY comfortable! 

* the best part of coming back was reuniting with louie. he has grown a bit in the last month, but is still just adorable. 

(hank and louie getting reacquainted)

(rolling in the grass together)

* i got my car back from the cleaners and it is SPOTLESS. (boulder auto detail) it had not been washed since corona began and was pretty awful from the two road trips and the VOMIT no one wanted to clean. i am not yet ready to let my kids or hank back in it so if you see me driving along slowly with them trotting behind, you will know why. they are not being punished, i am just trying to preserve the cleanliness. i, myself, no longer get in it unless i am fresh from the shower.