(fireworks over the white house on inauguration night; photo: nbc news)

for the past several months my brain has felt like a kaleidoscope - loads of tiny fragments of intentions and obligations and responsibilities and information that i think i am about to get a handle on and then someone twists the cylinder just a tiny bit or A LOT and i am left scrambling to understand the new design. between the pandemic and homeschooling and the kids going back to school and homeschooling again and BLM and the election and the capital riots and my classes and my work it’s been difficult for me to keep it all straight. 

(photo: visharo)

a few months ago i had a new client meeting and i happened to glance up at the clock and realized that i had about three minutes to pick up my daughter who was at least ten minutes away. i hadn’t expected this meeting to go on so long, but i was enjoying our conversation so much that i completely lost track of time. i jumped up in a panic and apologized profusely for ending the meeting so abruptly when this potential client (who DID later become a client) said, “don’t ever apologize for being a mother and taking care of your children. if we women are going to go forward in this world we need to do it with our kids firmly in tow.” i can’t tell you how grateful i was for those words. if ever there was a time that working parents (especially mothers!) have been pushed to be creative and elastic it is now. 

i like to think of myself as someone who can multi task… i CAN drink a glass of wine AND make dinner. i can even drink a glass of wine, make dinner and watch the news. but trying to write a work proposal while helping lucy with fractions was really tricky. fractions in general were really tricky and honestly that unit went on FOREVER. sometimes i would know the answer but i just couldn’t explain how to get here. like when it was obvious that there were six slices in the pizza pie but i couldn’t write out the equation. and now theo is taking ALGEBRA! i haven’t thought about that stuff since i was in high school (which begs the question - do they REALLY need to study something that may never come up again?) theo’s algebra is in a computer program that when you get the answer right confetti comes floating down like in a birthday text. that IS very exciting and satisfying - i don’t think mr. bremer (who was really a dick) ever even drew a smiley face on my algebra homework - but still probably not worth the headache. 

so we’ve all been a little off… even hank. most of the time i think hank is a genius. he speaks both his native french and english fluently. i know this because i can ask him if he wants a treat in either language and he always says, “yes.” he also knows how to roll down the windows in the car whether he’s sitting shotgun (his preference) or in the back seat. i don’t like this trick as much because i prefer to just see the nature out the window - i don’t need to feel it on my face. we get into little window wars… he puts them down, i bring them back up and it goes on until i get frustrated and put the baby locks on. he DID get a big surprise recently when he rolled down the window after a blizzard and bunch of snow fell in on him… he did NOT like that. but over the holidays i think the stress of the recounts really got to him and he kept chewing up low hanging christmas ornaments. he really hasn’t done that kind of thing since he was a pup and i think this regression was a clear call for help.

(this is all that’s left of one of our snowman ornaments thanks to hank)

lucy and theo have both been pushing boundaries in outrageous ways i don’t think they would if the world (and my brain) wasn’t upside down. lucy has been recklessly leaving all her dresser drawers open with all kinds of errant sleeves and socks hanging out. when i pass by her room it looks like a big monster with multiple mouths is residing in there and my heart starts to pound with anxiety. and the other day i caught theo BRAZENLY eating a popsicle ON THE SOFA! i couldn’t believe he would risk dripping sticky, staining RASPBERRY juice on the sofa that we NEVER eat on. i can only imagine that both of these rebellious behaviors are a loud (and disturbing) declaration of my children’s need for peace and normalcy.

(can you IMAGINE the devastating stain he could have made?)

and then on wednesday, january 20th joe biden and kamala harris were sworn in as our new president and vice-president. it was such a beautiful, thoughtful ceremony (i am still reveling about amanda gorman and her gorgeous, inspiring poem) and everything just felt lighter. i am sure i will have tons more brain space now (maybe not enough for fractions but plenty for everything else) as i won’t have to obsessively watch the news in fear. i feel so hopeful and relieved and excited and have i shared with you that KAMALA WENT TO MY ELEMENTARY SCHOOL? i am beside myself with pride.

(our new president and vice-president fist bumping at the inaugural ceremony)

(thousand oaks, the elementary school kamala and i attended)

(kamala as a little girl… i am not sure what grade)

my second grade school photo from thousand oaks)

* now that the world is beginning to stabilize and i don’t have to monitor the news 24/7 i have decided to resume my walks with hank… this is the side eye i get when he sees me coming toward him with his little red sweater (it’s COLD in boulder these days.) he then leaps off the sofa and flattens himself on the floor as much as possible hoping that i won’t be able to get the sweater over his head.