hank has lost TWO pounds. that is 5.71% of his total body weight and 50% of what he is meant to lose! we are very proud of ourselves… it has not been easy. i have had to really monitor how many snacks he gets and shut him away in the playroom when i am eating lunch or scotchmallows so that he is not looking up at me with those big, desperate eyes. 

we have also been trying to exercise more, which has been tricky as boulder has been hotter than hades the last two months. if i try to walk him in the daylight, hank will just plant himself on someone’s lawn and not budge. so we’ve had to wait until the sun goes down, which is when i like to be in my jammies, not traipsing around the neighborhood.

i have only been on two diets in my life… one was when i was trying to get pregnant and was seeing dr. wu, an acupuncturist in san francisco. she put me on a very restricted regime of “warm foods” (the premise was that if my body didn’t have to expend so much energy digesting, it would have more energy to get me pregnant) that was basically just chinese food. i was not supposed to have sugar or wheat or dairy or caffeine or anything raw. i LOVE chinese, but i also love brownies and fruit and coffee and cheese and chocolate so this diet was pretty traumatizing for me. i lasted about six weeks (i never did give up the coffee) before breaking down in tears and wailing to dr. wu, “i NEED more to EAT! i can’t think about anything other than food.” at which point she said i could have some avocados.

my other diet was just last month when i had to get my first colonoscopy (it is REALLY glamorous being FIFTY!) this was more of a forced fast to prep for the procedure. i didn’t have anything solid for nearly TWO DAYS before the appointment (technically, you are not supposed to eat for ONE day prior but someone told me that if you extend that to the dinner the night before you are meant to start fasting it makes the whole thing much easier and less “violent.” i thought i got this advice from my colorist, liz, and i do [almost] everything she tells me so that’s what i did.) unfortunately, that evening we had theo’s pre-season soccer BBQ and the food there looked outrageous - particularly the grilled lamb chops, which i am still thinking about. i was MISERABLE just sipping on my la croix and feeling quite faint. my first husband says that i am not very good at adapting to these type of situations, but i can’t imagine who is good at NOT EATING. as it turns out, liz did NOT give me this advice and i don’t know where it came from but the prep was really not so bad (other than the starving part) and i believe the extra fasting is why. i was annoyed during the prep because i was trying to binge watch the first season of succession (which is great, by the way) and i had to keep getting off the sofa. i think this is the longest i have ever gone without food… i was trying to pretend i was a boulder mom on a juice fast, which these boulders do almost every time they eat a slice of bread* or are getting ready for a beach holiday. i don’t know how they do it. i couldn’t even energetically chew gum like the boulder moms because i have a gum phobia so my teeth had nothing to do. 

(they never get to finish their meals on succession because the dad always has a tantrum.)

i have no memory of the procedure because they gave me propofol, which is what michael jackson used to take before he just didn’t wake up. this was a little disconcerting, but i DID wake up and we headed straight to lucky’s cafe where i had a big plate of scrambled eggs and bacon and toast and hash browns and fruit. and then i finished off everyone else’s food.

i anticipated losing a tremendous amount of weight from missing so many meals, but i only lost three pounds (just 2.53% of my body weight, less than half of what hank lost percentage-wise) and i’m pretty sure i gained six from breakfast alone. so i really appreciate how hard it has been for hank to slim down and i’m super proud.

* i discovered an AMAZING new bakery in the peloton building called dry storage. they grow their own wheat and grind it down just like the little red hen. this is REAL bread. i learned about it when one of my childhood friends was visiting and we got a round sourdough and she made the most delicious bread salad. i think it was the yummiest dinner ever prepared in my kitchen. i hope they stay in business because so few boulders actually eat bread… i am going to do my best to spread the word and eat as many baguettes and rounds as i can.

the baguette from dry storage

for more stories about being fifty click here or hank’s diet click here or here